Ironman Zurich: Bring Cash

Ironman number 7 was taking me across an ocean to race for the first time. I was extremely excited to be racing in Europe and super happy to have my mom (Iron Sherpa) joining me. Not so excited about the 3:40 am alarm on Thursday morning, but this is the price of doing cool stuff. We arrived at the airport and checked in with plenty of time to get on our flight to Toronto. After hanging out in the lounge we took the first boarding call into our business class seats. I had enough points to go round trip business and my amazing Uncle Bill was cool enough to hook mom up with points so she could join me. 

The first leg was the bumpiest I've ever had. So much so that the flight attendants had to stop service for 40 minutes waiting for better conditions.

From Toronto mom and I were on different flights. I was direct to Zürich and she was via Frankfurt. This was a NEAT experience. In business class over the Atlantic you get a pod, not a seat. This can fold flat to a bed or just be adjusted any way you like to get comfortable. It was a little strange taking off facing at a 45 degree angle but I dealt with it.

I arrived in Zürich at 8am on Friday having only managed 2 hours sleep on the plane and made my way to Starbucks. I ordered my 1/2 sweet fat free caramel macchiato and the barista told me, "9 francs 40." Stunned, I handed him my money and tucked away my change. I had just paid $11 CAD for my coffee. Welcome to Zürich. I sat near the arrivals board and waiting for mom's flight. It was late so I kept a closer eye. Then it popped up red and displayed, "Diverted." What the hell? I made my way to an internet terminal and checked out Lufthansa's site and they said it was canceled. I jumped on Facebook hoping mom would be logged in and sure enough she was. Apparently there was a problem with the pressurization system and so, nearly in Zürich, they turned back because this is Lufthansa's main hub and it was easier to deal with there. Most people took it in stride but one man was evidently quite upset at the decision. Mom doesn't speak German but anger is an international language.

Sadly I hit a curb with my cart and spilt $4 worth of coffee, but it was still yummy.

We agreed to meet up at the hotel so I was on my own to check in to the race and do the first bit of site seeing. It was really interesting to do something so familiar but in a place where you don't speak the language. The signs don't make sense, the instructions don't make sense and the conversations around you are just gibberish. I actually enjoyed the challenge of navigating the registration process in bits of German and charades. I got my package and wandered around the expo. At one of the tents I walked up to a vendor selling some kind of new fangled energy drink and asked, "vas is das?" (What is this?) Apparently this was convincing enough that he went into a 5 minute pitch about the product ENTIRELY IN GERMAN. I just stood there and listened intently and confused. I don't speak German, but I do know people and I read his signals loud and clear. When he made a point about the product I looked impressed, when he seemed inquisitive about my interest I looked him in the eye and nodded and when he got excited I raised my eyebrows and smiled in approval. At the end he handed me a sample of what turned out to be cow colostrum, I downed it, nodded a little, said "Danke. Auf Wiedersehen" Turned and walked away. I'm still convinced he thinks I grasped every word.I also took a lung test at one of the booths and if you hit a certain level you got a free t-shirt so I figured, "what the hell." I blew into the machine and it turns out I have the lung power of a pro athlete, if only I could get the body of one I might be good at this sport.

Hercules Hercules

I met mom back at the hotel and after a quick change it was time to head back to the race area for the welcome dinner. This was our first real intro into the ways of European Ironman. The dinner was traditional pasta and salad but the service was anything but what I was used to. In North America, you line up at a table, grab a plate and as you make your way down the buffet line you take your food and move on to the dining area. In Zürich, there was a row of servers at a counter and you had to navigate your way through a mosh pit to get to the front. You handed them a plate and they handed you back your pasta. At first our Canadianness held us back but eventually our stomachs took over and we began shoving our way to the front. The main problem was that the plates were being guarded by mobbed up Spaniards and Germans who were handing them off to their friends and preventing others from getting to them. We finally broke through the service area and made our way to a table where we sat with two very nice British gents. We relayed how shocked we were about how dinner was conducted and he said with a sneer, "Welcome to Europe. That's how they queue on the continent." He told us about a ski trip he had taken to Whistler and that one of his fondest memories was how well people lined up at the lifts. Apparently in Europe the lines are always a battle royale.

Nice orderly line up

Ring leaders at the front

Completely exhausted we made our way back to the hotel. The 8 hour time change was taking its toll and we needed sleep. In retrospect it was a little silly to plan to arrive half way across the world 48 hours prior to racing but it was not done without ample consideration. The initial plan was to see London for 4 days prior to moving down to Zürich but after realizing this would mean no drinking in the pubs this was quickly changed. PRIORITIES! 

Mom is so pretty

We slept for 13 hours and rolled out of bed at 11am. Just in time to catch the remainder of the hotel breakfast. We had prepaid it so we'd better eat. It was only 16 CHF/person/day. So $19ish CAD, for toast, coffee, juice and some scrambled eggs. ZÜRICH!!! We had to take the tram to the race area to check my bike in for the following day. We asked at the front desk about taking a bike on transit. The clerk told us it was no problem, you just have to buy the bike a ticket as well. So the next day we trundled off down the road, bike in tow and got to the ticket machine. For the low price of 8.40CHF or about $10 CAD you can add a bike to your ticket. You still have to pay your own ticket. 

Check in was fairly similar to North America. The biggest difference I noticed was that you have to wear your helmet and bib number when you check in. I was looking around at all these gomers with their helmets buckled up and standing in line and wondering what was so dangerous about standing around. That was until a tall Swiss fellow with a thick accent told me, "please poot on and fasten zee helmet for zee inspection." Something about that accent you just don't argue with. We got the bags and bike tucked away and headed back into the main part of town in search of Chinese food. The last few races it has become tradition that I eat P F Chang's the night before but since there is no P F Changstein's to be found in Zürich we opted for Chopstick. They had average reviews on Trip Advisor so we thought we'd give to a shot. We weren't expecting a cheap meal, that doesn't exist here, but we weren't looking to break the bank either. In response to the struggle to decide what we should pay for a meal I coined a new phrase, Züreasonable: A price for a good or service that would be exorbitant in a regular market, but is acceptable within Zürich. 

Mmmmm, deep fried cabbage

It had so much promise, so much

For an appetizer we ordered a spring roll each, which was actually much larger than a typical North American spring roll. When this came it looked alright but when we cut into it, it was just cabbage dipped in batter and fried. Oh well, can't win them all. The main course would save the day; chicken chow mein and beef with chutes and pods. The chow mein was an underwhelming plate of noodles whose only flavour was derived from the chili oil and soy sauce that WE added. The beef looked amazing however. Caramelized and darkened with what looked like a Szechuan seasoning. Looks can be deceiving, the meat was tender but lifeless and again was only slightly improved by a considerable dose of chili and soy. Now what would be a fair price for an appetizer, two plates of Chinese food, 1 tap water and 1 iced tea? 51.50CHF or about $62 CAD? ZÜRICH!!! 

It's a bargain at half the price

No matter, we weren't on a cuisine tour, I was here to race. Once back at the hotel I asked the girl at the front desk to book me a taxi for the morning so I wouldn't have to worry about transit. My alarm went off at 4:45 am but as is typical I was already laying there with my eyes open. A mixture of nerves and excitement propelled me out of bed and downstairs for a light breakfast. In typical Swiss fashion my taxi arrived exactly on time and quickly got me to the race site. During the 20 minute ride I quickly watched the meter click over. By the time the ride was over it read exactly 50.00CHF. I asked what that would be in Euros as that was all I had with me. This swindler told me, "is same." I double checked that what he was saying was that in fact it was 50 Euro OR Francs, no difference. He said yeah. This made this cab ride go from $60 to $80. I handed the driver 60 € and he gave me back 10 Francs in change. He even managed to screw me on the change. ZÜRICH!!!

Finally the race:

Swim: Goal 1:10, Actual 1:23:53

The swim in Zürich is odd. It's 2 loops but they're different. The first is a larger rectangular loop and the second is a triangular loop inside the first loop. In between you exit the water, run across a piece of land and jump back in. Kinda fun actually. I felt absolutely spectacular in the swim. My strokes were good, my breathing was smooth and I had open water to myself almost the entire time. By all accounts this was my best open water experience ever. Part of this I attribute to the fact that the organizers so,ot the swimmers into two groups. 1 that expected to finish under 1:10 and another that expected to finish over. As I swam 1:12 in Texas 10 weeks ago I opted to go at the very end of the first group. Perfect decision, no one swimming over me, people ahead knew how to navigate, great decision. So why was I 13 minutes slower than my goal? I found out afterwards that Lake Zürich has a current. The river that it feeds draws the water across the lake at a fair pace and for the crossing section of the rectangle and the entire hypotenuse section of the triangle you are fighting the current. The pro times are even 5+ minutes slower so I felt a little better.

Bike: Goal 6:00, Actual 6:44:25

Great transition into the bike, gear on and out the door in just over 7 minutes. The bike is a 2 loop epic bastard of a course. The first 30km of the ride are flat and fast and build your confidence. Then the hills start. There are 4 real climbs per loop. 2 long semi steep and 2 shorter very steep and they sap your will to live. I was really glad I had trained my hills as much as I had because they were tough here.

I'm sure this would have been a different day if I didn't have as much experience as I do now. Having been in some tough situations on the bike in the past I knew that I just needed to keep my legs moving and get up the hills so I could rest on the way down. For the most part the downhills were a fairly nice grade that allowed you to get some speed and recover a little. One particular descent, however, was a lot of work in its own way. The hill started out with a spot that actually took my breath away. For about 250m the trees beside the road were thick and formed a canopy over the road. This caused a weird sensation where it got very dark and cold for a brief stretch before you emerged on the other side. This was also the start of the fastest descent on the course. On the first lap it was raining and I was in a tighter group of riders so I was a little quicker on the brakes and only hit 73.8km/hr (45.9mph). At the bottom of the hill there was a fairly tight right hand turn that required some hard braking so I was glad I had taken my bike in to Element to get my bike doctor Cam to beef up the brakes. (Thanks Cam! I made it!). By the bottom of the hill my legs were good but my arms were exhausted from braking and holding the bike still to avoid losing control. From here it was a 20km or so flat section back to town where you. Had to tackle heartbreak hill. This is the shorter STEEP section that you do at the end of each lap. This is the only place on the course with any real crowd support but it was needed. By the end of the hill you're standing on the pedals and just hoping you have enough power to get to the top. Back down a short hill and you do it all over again.

Looped courses can either be great or brutal depending on the type of day you're having. On a good day looped courses are awesome because you know where you are and can prepare for what's coming. On a bad day it's awful because every tough section you're reminding yourself, "I get to do this again. Yippee!" On a single loop course it's great because you only see everything once. On the second loop the rain had stopped so it was a little better for visibility and cornering which was nice. This meant that on the second time down the big hill I could tuck a little more and ride the brakes less, I thought. I was flying down the hill at 75.5km/hr (46.9mph) when ahead I could see the flashing blue lights of an ambulance and a course marshall indicating for us to slow down. I got on the brakes and as I passed I saw a man being placed on a spine board with all of his clothes cut off and he was badly cut up. Later on in the race I spoke with a Brit who witnessed it and he said the guy got a speed wobble and lost control at high speed. As he tumbled his helmet came off and when this guy got to him he was only semi-conscious. They ended up taking him by helicopter and as of this writing he was listed in serious but stable condition. I really hope it works out for this poor guy. Ironman is about proving what the human body can endure and he should be in good enough shape to have a fighting chance. I mercifully climbed off the bike and was overjoyed to find that I felt pretty good.

Run: Goal 6:00, Actual 6:07:53

Despite being absolutely wrecked on the bike course I was excited  to be on the run course. I knew I was going to finish the race because I had plenty of time, I just  needed to cover the 42.2km. Last race my feet were cramped up so badly that I could hardly walk so when I got off of my bike I was relieved to find my feet felt fantastic. I started out jogging a little bit but my calves weren't up to it so I walked a decent amount at the start. After about 5km, however, I started to feel much better. My legs had loosened a little and I was able to run probably 200m or more at a time. I didn't think the run course was as advertised though. It is described as pancake flat and it certainly isn't that. There are no big hills but there are a number of sections where you cross overpasses and other elevation changes that are fairly tricky. This came as a bit of a surprise but nothing that couldn't be conquered.

The course begins by heading along a lonely little section towards the outskirts of town before turning and heading back towards a busier part of the city. For the most part you are in treed areas or next to the lake so it's a nice place to be running; the section in town was fairly well supported but the fans in Europe are much different than you find in North America. In NA it's a party atmosphere anywhere there are fans. People dressed in funny costumes, signs held up with jokes or inspirational sayings, music blasting and it's a great feeling all over. In Europe endurance sports appears to be taken much more seriously. In fact, if a fan is cheering for you and you're walking they almost seem personally offended that you aren't putting in a better effort for them. The aid stations were also different. They didn't always offer everything at every station so from time to time my nutrition got a little messed up and towards the end of the first of my four laps I started to lose my gut. For the uninitiated this means you've done something your body doesn't like and you start to feel nauseous. If it gets away on you your race can be in jeopardy because you need to keep fuelling your muscles to continue performing at any level and if it gets bad enough you can start vomiting and dehydrate yourself to the point that you need to quit. Luckily, after adjusting my sugar and water intake I was able to get it back and keep going. 

I'm not sure if all Ironman races in Europe do this but in Zürich each competitor had their nation's flag on their race bib. This was awesome because it allowed you to see who you could talk to and who may have no idea what idea you're talking about. About half way through I met up with a great lady from the north shore of Lake Erie in Ontario. She works as a "higher up" at her school board in Ontario but started out as a lowly teacher like me so we chatted a while when she'd had enough she trotted  off and I just kept walking. I'm not sure why but about half way through the marathon I felt pretty good considering what I'd put myself through and I started running more and more. Each lap you go through a "lap control" station where they'd give you a different coloured wrist band and it was actually kind of fun adding a band each lap, it added a sense of accomplishment that's for sure.

By the time I was half way done the final lap I was down right jovial. I was smiling like a fool and making jokes with anyone that would listen. With about 2km left I caught Nancy from Lake Erie and wished her well. The finish area was quite different than North America also, they had cheerleaders. GORGEOUS, cheerleaders. Not to be outdone I decided to show them my dance moves as well and this was well received by the crowd. After a brief dance with one of these beauties I trotted across the finish line. This was where I noted another distinct difference from North America, at home you are given a volunteer who takes care of you at the finish; they wrap you in a blanket, hold your stuff when photos are taken, get you food and only when they're sure you're fine do they return to receive another athlete. In this race, you were handed an emergency blanket and told where the food was. Fortunately I didn't need assistance but if I had I'm not sure what would have happened. They did have free beer at the finishers' area so I can't judge too harshly. This was a really nice local beer and more than welcome after 14 and a half hours of exercise. I found my mom and collected my stuff and headed for the tram. 

7 down, 5 to go

At the transfer point we got off and had McDonalds and then jumped back on. At this point I had a huge laugh. I had purposefully put myself away from the general population because after a race I have a certain aroma that is displeasing to most. I had hopped up on a shelf at the end of the tram car and apparently this local woman had claimed this as her birthright many moons ago because she sidled up right next to me. What ensued was both sad and hilarious. She started realizing that something wasn't right in the air but rather than move away she pulled out a body spray and coated her face in perfume and pushed her nose as close as she could to the cracked window above the ledge we were sitting on. Rather than move to a seat further down the train she endured this situation half way across town before she finally got to her stop. It was all my mom and I could do to not bust a gut laughing. After this I was actually feeling pretty good so I broke down my bike and got it packed away which was nice because hotel rooms in Europe are, let's say, economical in their space. 

Sorry lady but you sat by me

Little cramped

I try to take a couple of lessons from every race and this was no exception. The biggest thing I learned was appreciation. I had no idea how awesome the spectators were in North America, in Europe Ironman is a competition, in NA it's a celebration of the human spirit. I know it sounds cheesy but the difference is remarkable. I wish I could go back and hug the people that have yelled kind words when I was at my lowest (especially the cute girls). I had just become so accustomed to great crowds that I expected it. I won't make that mistake again. The second thing I will take away is how much I've improved. Despite the fact  that I felt completely wiped on the bike course I turned in a time that was alright. It wasn't outstanding by any stretch but it was faster than a few races where I actually felt better about my performance. I'm really glad I took the opportunity to make this trip and experience a race outside of North America. It was cool to see how things are done here and experience them first hand. That being said, I don't think I'll be back any time soon. Between the cost and the time change adjustment it was definitely taxing and with so many great races in North America I don't need to stray too far from home. Thanks for reading and auf wiedersehen!

Lead in to Ironman Zurich

In an attempt to get to my 12 Ironman total as quickly as possible I decided to do two races 10 weeks apart. Now, 3 weeks after Ironman Texas I am seriously questioning what the hell I was thinking. I took two days completely off but then, re-energized by my performance in Texas I hit it hard again. That was until the Wednesday after and I got a nice bout of the flu. I took this as a sign from the Tri Gods and shut it down for 5 days.

It's kind of funny, I think I'm most excited about finishing Ironman Zurich to:

1) Get Boris Yeltsin drunk in 5 countries inside of a week and 

2) Get a break from training.

It's not supposed to be this way. It's supposed to be really neat to go across the Atlantic and race in a foreign country.

In retrospect, 10 weeks between Ironman races is doable but I needed to either take a 2 week break from training or change up my workouts so that I actually need to look at my training plan before a session. As it stands, I can recite my training schedule without even a glance at my plan and this make it seem like drudgery. I'm not sure why but when I'm surprised by a workout it's a little easier to go out and do it. 

For the most part I've had decent training sessions but one particular day was a day from hell. I went out for a 3 hour ride and it started swimmingly. Legs felt great, I had a fancy new helmet that made me look uber fast, and the weather was just awesome. That was until I crossed paths with a kamikaze bee. 34km into my ride this asshole bee slammed into my grille and rather than go on his merry way he decided to sting me in the lip. 

It would be a bad enough day getting stung in the face but the problem was I lost my friggin' mind when it happened. I steered myself right into the ditch and crashed. 

The best part of this was that after I got home my father-in-law said, "at least you didn't stop and take a selfie." Everyone started laughing and I had to explain that no, in fact that's exactly what I did. 

No worries, my bike was fine and I jumped back on and took off. The halfway point (50 km) is a small French town called Legal (pronounced Le gal) like French for the gal, but I have a sneaking suspicion that's not what it means. I stopped at the convenience store to refuel and the owner was good enough to give me a couple of band aids for my hand and off I went. 

At 72 km I hit a rock and blew out my back tire. I was actually ok with it because I hadn't changed a tire or used a CO2 cartridge in a while and was happy to get the practice. 

I changed out the tube and about 200m later I heard another small explosion and my back tire was flat again. I knew immediately something was wrong and after an inspection I found my tire was wrecked, not just my tube. This was a bummer as I was 28km from home and large men in spandex are not the most readily picked up while hitchhiking. About 5 minutes later a nice Welsh fellow pulled over and picked me up. He was a cyclist and took pity on me. This made me happy as I'd picked up a cyclist a couple of years ago and it was nice to have it paid back. 

After this race I'm going to time my races with about 6 months between them. Of course, that's after I do Ironman Arizona in November (4 months). This will allow me time to fully recover before starting back up again, but more importantly, it will make the race special again. That's what's missing the most out of this training, the excitement. 

Embrace the Suck! Not just in training but in life.

Usually, "Embrace the suck" is a phrase used by athletes to convince themselves that suffering in training makes the races easier, but it can be a life mantra as well.  Last weekend was my 11th wedding anniversary, my wife's too as it happens, and we were talking about what we've experienced together over the years. The funny thing is, most everything we talked about was the times that things went wrong. But those were the times that made us smile. Obstacles thrown in our way that we managed to shrug off and made us closer and happier together.

Without question the biggest test of our early relationship was our ill-fated trip to San Francisco. Somehow we got it into our heads that we should pack up and head off to the city by the bay for a vacation in the summer of 2000. We hadn't been dating that long but we knew that we were in it for the long haul and I think that made us think we were more grown up than we really were. I was 19 and Kim was 21 and we jumped in my K-car and headed off down the road. We didn't have ANY money so we camped the whole way and ate cup-a-soups for more than half our meals.

Surprisingly, the trip down went without a hitch. We didn't have air conditioning, cruise control or GPS but we didn't miss a beat. In addition to being broke, the exchange rate was the worst it has been in the last 50 years. We were paying $1.61 for every American dollar and it was tough to even justify a chocolate bar at the gas station. It was a lot like Dumb and Dumber, we were on a very tight budget. Unfortunately for us we didn't have a dead bird to sell to the blind neighbour kid for extra cash.

We walked the pier, did the Alcatraz at Night tour and had an absolute blast.

The next day we started for home. At a little town called Garberville, CA we heard a rattling and thought we should pull over and readjust our luggage. Then the oil light came on on the dashboard. Uh oh. I put it in neutral and cruised down the hill into town and pulled into a local mechanic. This guy could have been right out of central casting. He had the coveralls, the floppy hat and the rag in his back pocket. He pulled out a long screwdriver, put it to his ear and held it to different parts of the engine. He shook his head and told us we had blown a connector rod. I made an equally concerned face, (I had no idea what this meant but I could tell this was the right thing to do) and asked how much this would cost. He explained that he couldn't fix that, we'd need to get our K-car towed to Oregon and get a hotel room and then pay to fix the engine. I did some quick math and it was MUCH more than the vehicle was worth. We thanked the guy for his help and drove the car into a parking lot and started walking around town trying to figure out what to do.

We made our way to the Waterwheel Restaurant and got a table. We decided we should try and scrap the car, buy bus tickets and make our way home to Canada. The waitress made some small talk with us and found out our story and she took pity on us. The story made it's way around town pretty quickly and soon, while we were trying how to figure out how to deal with the worst day of our lives, people were popping in to say "hi" to the Canadians. Seriously, like a half dozen separate people came in just to talk to us. We walked across town to the scrap yard and tried to sell the car to them but the only guy that worked there was out with his truck pulling a semi out of the ditch 4 hours away and wouldn't be back until tomorrow. So, back to the Waterwheel. We didn't want to just abandon the car so we decided to try and sell it. To the busboy. For a dollar. The worst part was the guy had to hum and hah over a $1 car! Eventually he decided that, worst case scenario, he could just scrap it for $100 and make a tidy profit so he took it off our hands.

Perfect, problem solved. So we just needed to get home. As it happened, just across the street was the Singing Salmon. What is the Singing Salmon you ask? What ISN'T the Singing Salmon? It is the local record store, UPS courier franchise AND the Greyhound depot. We popped in and asked to buy 2 tickets to Vancouver, BC. As luck would have it, Kim's parents were in Vancouver on holidays and told us to get there and they'd give us a ride home. The ornery fellow in the Singing Salmon said he was closing in 5 minutes and because of our bags wouldn't have enough time to process us before he closed so we'd have to wait until tomorrow. Defeated we walked back across the street to the Waterwheel and sat back down at "our" table. Kim had a brainstorm, one of the few in our time together, and she thought, "hey, if you can buy concert tickets on the phone, why not bus tickets?" This was the pre-internet era so going online wasn't even an option. Greyhound was awesome and told us we just had to stand outside of the local bus depot when the bus pulled up and the driver could sell us a ticket at the next major stop. So, the dick at the Singing Salmon wanted the commission but didn't want to stay a few minutes late. Such a clown.

We went back  to the restaurant and told Kathy, the waitress, the good news. We just needed to be out front of the bus depot at 1am when the bus came. Her eyes got really big. Apparently, one of the solutions to the homeless problem in San Francisco was to give these wayward folks a bus ticket out of town. One of the most common destinations is..... Garberville, CA!

She refused to let us sit outside on the sidewalk until 1 in the morning and instead took us home with her after work for a few hours. She dropped us back off and waited until the bus had us safely on our way. On the 27 hour bus ride to Vancouver we made some friends from Mexico and I played a game that appeared similar to rock-paper-scissors. I didn't know the rules because the kid I was playing against only spoke Spanish and I only speak English, but some how he always won. We had another couple of funny incidents too. In Portland we had a bit of a layover in the bus depot so I sat on a bench just outside the front door. As I sat down a Honda Civic came to a screeching halt right in front of me and the driver asked, "Yo man! You need some batteries?" I said, "uh, no." And he roared off. I was rattled so I went back inside and sat down in a corner. Kim was sitting next to a black guy and he leaned over and asked if she wanted to buy his CD. She instinctively reached over and pulled her purse closer and he did not appreciate this. He started yelling at her that she was a "white bitch" and that he was just a regular dude and she needed to get her head straight.  She walked away and ended up guiding a blind man around the bus depot because he couldn't see where he was going and no one seemed to want to help the poor guy.

Eventually the bus showed up.  Our next stop was in downtown Seattle at 2am. I popped inside to use the washroom and as soon as I crossed the threshold I spun on my heel and walked out. The dirt and smell that hit me were too much to handle and I decided that I'd go on the bus when we re-boarded. If you decide that a Greyhound bus is a better option for you, you know it's bad. After a short stop we were back aboard and on our way to Vancouver where Kim's dad and his lifelong friend's wife Pat picked us up. After that it was smooth sailing all the way back to Edmonton. You've never seen two people so happy to be wedged into the back of a 2 door Sunfire for a 12 hour car ride.

This could easily have been one of the worst experiences of our lives but the stories that Kim and I have gotten out of it are amazing. Plus, we know we can adapt and survive and it has made our relationship stronger.

On our honeymoon we went to Tofino, BC on Vancouver Island.

This beautiful sea-side town has an amazing little hotel called the Middle Beach Lodge. It was BEAUTIFUL! As we parked the car they even had a porch with rain jackets and rubber boots for you to take and walk the beach hand-in-hand looking for seashells. We got to the front desk and asked for our room. The girl at the front desk flipped through the reservations and said, "I don't see your name." We pulled out the brochure of Tofino accommodations and after some digging realized that the phone number I had called were for the previous hotel alphabetically. The Maquinna Lodge. The Maquinna Lodge is tastefully appointed with a wallpapered water pipe running the length of the room and a large hole in the wall we discovered when messing around moving pictures on the wall.   We did, however, have a view of the ocean. Not a great one and you had to look through all of the power lines and over the co-op grocery store but technically you could see the ocean. And we were REALLY close to the neighborhood bar - it was right under our room.  Luckily, the front desk staff realized we had made a mistake and allowed us to cancel the second night that we had booked. This could have been devastating as we had gotten married when I was still in University and we were broke but we just looked at each other and laughed hysterically.

It's experiences like this that can really make you or break you. How do you react when faced with adversity? Do you see the humour and opportunity in these situations or do you freak out and break down? This is not to say that I don't have my occasional spaz outs or overreact to bad news but overall I'm pretty calm, cool and collected and even overly happy about bad situations.

This has been absolutely critical in Ironman racing. When you're feeling exhausted after 5 hours on a bike and some teenager yells at you that you're fat and an elderly gentleman gives you the finger you can either get bummed out or you can laugh at just how ridiculous it all is.

I would strongly urge you to take any opportunity you can to look at a everything life throws at you and find the funny, no matter how hard you have to look.

Ironman Texas

I went into Ironman Texas in a really weird place. I was coming off my mind-numbing performance at IM Arizona where I went sub-12 and essentially had a perfect race. I've spent the last 6 months trying to convince myself, with limited results, that I would be fine with being slower this time. This sounds really good but the truth is that the nature of athletics is one of competition and a constant desire to get better. I think I was in the doldrums, I had completed 5 Ironman races, I was coming off of my best performance and what was I proving by doing another race? This is all ridiculous as every race is its own animal and I need each one of them equally to get to Kona but this one just felt blah.

The reality of the situation was that the hot weather (although cooler than usual for south Texas), the undulating bike course, the wind, and the fact that I did all of my training for this race indoors meant that going sub-12 would be a Herculean feat. I set out my goals ahead of time and picked a realistic but optimistic goal of going sub-13 with the breakdown of a 1:15 swim, a 5:45 bike and a 5:12 run plus 15 minutes for transition (I know this is like 12:30 but there's a buffer).

Mom came with me again and acted as my Iron Sherpa. It's such a huge help to have someone there that can hand you tools when you build you bike or help drag your luggage and just be a general helper. It would be amazing to have my family at the races but the thought of taking 2 adults and 3 small children on an airplane for a weekend where I'm tied up with racing would just be a nightmare financially and logistically.

How does a moth get IN BETWEEN the 2 panes of glass on an airplane?

We landed in Houston, got the baggage and headed off to our little Best Western by the airport. A nice little place that was just for the night as we were headed off to the sweet race hotel the next day. The Woodlands Waterway Marriott was the race hotel and it is awesome. A little more expensive than I'm used to but since mom was paying I felt like it would be worth trying it out, and I was right! This was such a cool area that I saw, without question, one of the most interesting sights I've ever seen. A Ferrari with a triathlon bike strapped on the back. I honestly couldn't decide if it was awesome or the douchiest thing I've ever seen. 

Our room was on the 12th floor which was second from the top and had a nice little balcony. From the balcony you could see the waterway and the race expo. For anyone that's done Ironman you can appreciate being able to walk to all of the events associated with the race and not having to try and find parking everywhere you go. The only downside was that the music and associated construction noise with the finish line area was too loud to leave the window open at night.

The white tents are the race expo, from my hotel balcony

 The next couple of days mom and I did some shopping and caught a movie. I absolutely love seeing movies before a race. It's the perfect environment; a cool place where you can sit down out of the sun and do something that takes your mind off of the impending torture that you're subjecting yourself to. We skipped the race dinner and instead opted to go to the Cheesecake Factory which was a great call. I had a really nice meal and wrapped it up with an unreal piece of carrot cake. Om nom nom! The night before we did what has now officially become a tradition and had dinner at P.F. Chang's. SO GOOD!

In what universe is this a good idea? They were on sale, weird hey?

Apparently Target is French for "buzz kill." This totally ruined my plans.

Race Day:

Being that we were so close to the race site I didn't have to wake up until 5:40am. This was really nice. Kind of a sleep in as far as Ironman's concerned. I put on my sweatsuit and beanie and headed down to transition and by the time I had gotten to the end of the block my shirt was already soaked in sweat. The humidity seemed pretty intense and I started to worry. I'm from the northern most real city in Canada and we don't get heat or humidity very often. In fact, I flew to Las Vegas 2 weeks before the race to train in some heat and we had to de-ice the plane because snow was accumulating on the wings. ON MAY 2nd!!! 

I was unaware just how far it was from transition to the swim start and as I was entering the transition area to put my aero bottle on my bike they were announcing that we had to leave as transition was closing in 5 minutes. "Zoinks!" Fortunately my bike was in good shape and I didn't need to get anything done to it. I started walking towards the swim start, and walking, and walking. It turned out to be about a mile walk. This ordinarily wouldn't be a huge deal but when you're going to cover 140.6 miles in the coming hours that extra mile is just rude man. 

Once in transition I lubed up (let that image sink in) and started putting on my wetsuit. Just as I pulled up on it to get it up my thighs it got really easy to pull on it. I had just blown the crotch out of my wetsuit, 10 minutes before the start. OH COME ON! I was already not feeling super motivated and this was just an extra kick in the junk. This was a deep water start so we started making our way into the water 15 minutes before the gun would go off. I waded out into the water and floated around thinking about the day that was laid before me. I may come off as a goofball and somewhat easy going but when it comes to triathlon I tend to get very spiritual. The day before the race my mom and I went for a walk and she was asking me how I felt about the race. I told her I wasn't sure how I felt about it and that I wasn't sure I was ready. Just then there was a viewing area with a sign that said, "the journey is the reward." As I floated on my back waiting for the start I started think about my late father and told him that I would need his help to get through the day. Just then I looked over and even though it was bright sun the moon was visible. My dad was a huge space nerd and told us his greatest dream was to go to outer space. I'm not a religious person at all but if there is an afterlife I always imagine my dad hangs out around the moon and that where I look when I want to talk to him. Knowing him and how clumsy he was I also imagine that he would go and check out Neil Armstrong's footprints on the moon and ultimately sneeze, erasing them forever.

Within 5 minutes of starting the swim I got kicked right in the face. A pretty good shot actually. This caused my goggles to suction to my left eye and was really painful. I elected to rip off my goggles and made my way, at a 90 degree angle to the other swimmers, to a kayak where I could hang out and replace my goggles. This is like a game of frogger and really kinda fun to do. I got myself settled and back onto the course. At 45 minutes into the swim one of the people next to me accidentally hooked their hand in my goggles and ripped them off my face again. I've never lost my goggles even once in a race and now it's happening a second time. OH COME ON!

It's a really fun course. You go out and back in the main part of the lake and then turn right into a canal that is only about 10 metres wide. This is really fun because you don't need to look too hard to see where you're going. There's walls on both sides and you just swim straight to the finish. I got out of the water in 1:12 and was very happy with that.

I made my way through transition and quickly found my bike. Once on the bike I was very comfortable. This area has quickly become my favourite part of triathlon as it turns out I can cycle pretty well. The course is really pretty, you head out of town very quickly and into the wooded areas north of Houston. It is actually through Sam Houston National Forest and the riding is quite fun. It is overall pretty flat but you make the occasional small climb followed by a short descent where you can build some decent speed. The first 90km (56 miles) was fairly uneventful and I was clipping along nicely. As we headed back into town, however, the wind shifted into our face. Now life started to suck.

There was a group of about 10 of us that stuck together for the most part and we started joking around and talking about just how awful the wind and the roads were on the way back. The pavement on the majority of the course was not nice smooth asphalt, it was chip asphalt that creates a hum through the frame of your bike, into your bones and eventually infiltrates your soul. It's not too bad over short distances but for 100km (60 miles) straight it gets to be a bit of a nuisance. Additionally, the roads in the National Forest were pothole-ridden. Ironman did an amazing job marking the holes with fluorescent tape so you could see them coming. Unfortunately, when you're in a tight pack you don't always see the hole coming, just some dude's spandex clad bum that suddenly jerks to the left and you hammer into the hole and knock a filling or two loose. 

At the 140km mark I did my ceremonial thank you to Roxi Martinez. As I've mentioned before, at Ironman Los Cabos I was so emotionally and physically drained at the 140km mark that I was unsure if I could go on. Just then I saw Roxi, whose 3 sons I've coached and whose husband was racing. I pulled over and hugged her and started to cry. She gave me the strength to carry on and I will never forget this. 

Shortly after this I had a great laugh. Ironman necessitates some traffic snarls and the locals aren't always endeared to us. As we cycled past Magnolia High School there was a truck full of teenage boys that were angry about being stopped and as I passed they yelled, "we can still tell you're fat!" I laughed, but deep down inside I died a little. This was quickly forgotten as two vehicles later an elderly gentleman gave me half of a middle finger. To be fair to him it was 100% of the finger he had left but this made me laugh out loud and brought me back into a happy place. I managed to avoid any major bike damage and rolled into transition in 5:42. 3 minutes ahead of my 5:45 goal.

I didn't escape the bike totally undamaged, however. As I got off the bike it became very apparent that my feet had both cramped. This was a moment of panic for me. As I shuffled from my bike towards our bags full of run gear I honestly wondered if I was going to be able to complete the race. Transition took me almost 11 minutes as I was hoping that my feet would release. They didn't really ease up much and I made my way out onto the run course. 

As I limped down the course I made the decision that I wouldn't quit no matter what, I would force them to pull me off the course either due to medical DQ or based on time running out. It turned out I was being a bit overdramatic and after 3 miles my feet let go pretty well and I was able to jog part time.  At this point it became obvious I was not going to equal my PR and I started to feel sorry for myself. I then saw a sign on the course that said, "run the race that's set before you." It was just sharpie on poster board but it really made a big difference to me. I was able to look at the challenge of cramped feet and see it as just another challenge on my way to Kona.

The run was 3 loops around the lake at the Woodlands and was a really nice atmosphere. The hardest part was trying to run when there was a crowd because nobody wants to walk when people are looking. The place I tried the hardest was a section of the course where the local Lululemon girls had a cheering station. It was a difficult balance running slow enough to appreciate their yoga pants while running fast enough to look like I was very athletic. I think I managed to pull it off, but I was also dehydrated and sunstroked so maybe they weren't even there at all.

The highlight of the run course, for me, was a 20-something guy that had a different sign for each lap of the loop. They were a perfect combination of hilarious and offensive so they were right up my alley. The best of these was a picture of shamed NBA owner Donald Sterling referring to his now infamous comments about black people. The sign said, "140.6 miles, another race I'm not fond of." I started laughing so hard I actually had to take a walking break because I couldn't breathe well enough to jog any more. 

I hauled myself around the course and managed to finish in 6:05, much slower than I'd hoped but I was happy to be done.  I stopped short of the finish and gave my mom a hug and left her with the instructions, "get the car!" I was not prepared to walk the half mile from the finish line to my bike and back. Nope! I'd gone far enough for one day! We had a flight early the next morning so there was no time to waste. We had to get back to the room, break down my bike, eat some dinner and THEN fall asleep.

Mom ordered a pizza from a place just below us and because we were leaving in the morning we only ordered a small pizza. It would be silly to get a big one.

The room key is in the picture for scale. This is a SMALL pizza.

My final tradition at Ironman is to buy the absolute cheapest champagne I could find, pop the cork, have about 2 or 3 sips and then pass out for the night. I was really excited this time as we had a balcony and I was going to blow that cork off into the night. I had my mom take a burst shot so she could get the moment of explosion. As I peeled back the foil I just started laughing. It became apparent that you should spend more than $4 on a bottle of sparkling wine if you want a cork. I had purchased myself  a fine bottle of screwcap champagne. After regaining my composure I decided to give it shake and then just open the cap really fast. This was less spectacular than I had even expected and only resulted in a wet sticky hand and a disappointing dribble of foam. It was perfect!

In retrospect I'm really happy with how the race went. Deep down I knew I wasn't going to equal my PR so being angry about not equaling that time would be foolish. I try to learn something every race and this time there is no doubt in my mind that the best thing I can take away is from that sign, "run the race that is set before you." Don't compare previous days, just take the challenges as they come and rise up to meet them.

The making of a celebrity :)

About four months ago the owners of New Deal Athletics asked if I would let them shoot a video around my story. Apparently some people think that what I'm doing is inspirational and want to hear about it. In all honesty I still have trouble believing that people want to hear my story but I'm a pretty open book so I agreed. This isn't a paid spot, I do get some clothing out of the deal, but I really believe in what the company stands for. They are committed to making good clothing at fair prices, and giving a portion of their profits to charity. All of the things I can appreciate.

WATCH VIDEO HERE!!!

At the time I had NO IDEA how much work went into shooting something like this. The minute long spot literally took hours and hours to shoot. It was a really neat experience to watch the cameramen work on getting their angles and the shots they wanted. These guys were pros and it was a fun experience. The hardest part for me was repeating my lines to get them just right. "Can you say it an just emphasize the third word." Or "say that again but like you're really proud." I'm a teacher, not a professional actor of stage and screen, but I did my best.

CLASSROOM BLOOPERS

I think what I really underestimated was exactly how much footage they would need for just a few seconds that were good enough to appear in the final cut. On the day we shot the running scenes I thought we were going to run for about five minutes or so, so I still did my full workout earlier in the day. After an hour and fifteen minutes of running past the camera I was tapped. My absolute favourite was, "that was really good.... but we weren't rolling." AAAAAHHH!!!

RUN BLOOPERS  

One of the best parts of exercising on camera is how focused you become on your form. Am I landing correctly? Is my knee drive good? Am I bouncing in the saddle? Jeeeez, holding good form for that long is really a challenge but MAN I looked good.

I had the opportunity to show a few colleagues a rough draft of the video and they asked if that was real sweat or did they just spritz me with water to make it look good. Hahaha, no. That was the real deal. They just told me to go through my regular workout and they would work around me. 75 minutes later I was looking at my watch thinking, "I'm dooooooone, but you're still shooooooting." So I assure, every drop of sweat you see in that video was the real McCoy.

BIKE BLOOPERS

When I arrived for the swimming shots I was shocked to realize I'd left my trunks at home. I did, however, have a pair of compression shorts I could throw on. They looked alright in the water but the walk out to the pool they were a little more revealing than I would have liked. You haven't seen somebody this big shuffle that quickly on a pool deck. But my covert mission was a success and I got into the pool without blinding anyone.

SWIM BLOOPERS

When I finally got to see the finished product I was stunned at what an amazing job they'd done with it. I wish for them that I was better looking but, hey, I did the best I could with what I've got :)

Please check out their website at www.newdealathletics.com/ and get yourself some great athletic clothing and support charities.

Clyde Pride

Perhaps what makes a person successful is that they're never really satisfied with what they have or who they are. Maybe that's why we often see the rich and famous fall into a depression that is so deep they may never crawl out. I am in a constant battle with myself to be happy with who I am and yet push myself to achieve greater goals and faster times and I'm not certain it's possible. How do you achieve peace with who you are and still have a burning desire to get better?

On a recent podcast Joe Rogan talked about his theory that our natural state of worry and anxiety likely stems from our past where we had to be vigilant or be eaten by predators. This has manifested in a constant struggle between being thankful for what we have and always seeing the negatives in our lives to prevent becoming complacent.

I feel I have been a fairly successful person in my life. I have a great career, an amazing family and my physical pursuits have become notable. This November I completed Ironman Arizona in 11:57:39 at 250 lbs which placed me in the top third of the entire race which is dominated by the very skinny. However, my first thought when analyzing the race was that it must have been an easy course if I had gone that fast. It didn't occur to me immediately that the 1900 or so people I finished in front of had to complete the same course, I could only reconcile that because I'd beaten my previous personal best by almost 2 1/2 hours that it was nothing I had done, it must have been an act of god.

My body image is absolutely atrocious. Despite losing 75 lbs and doing things athletically that very few people can claim I still look in the mirror every morning, sigh, and hope that tomorrow I'm not fat. I see people walking around downtown that look great in their suits and the sad reality is that I would probably trade bodies with them in an instant because they look the way I'd like to look despite the fact that they likely couldn't do half of the things that I can with my body. But why am I so focused on looking a certain way? I have an amazing wife that loves me so why does my aesthetic matter? There's something wrong in our brain that values form over function.

My big goal for the upcoming year is to really celebrate how far I've come rather than focus on my imperfections, which are numerous. One of my "ah ha" moments recently was looking at my tattoos on the calf of my left leg and wondering why I bothered to get one to commemorate an Olympic distance (1500m swim, 40k bike, 10k run) triathlon. At the time it was such a huge accomplishment that it garnered a tattoo, but now I complete the distances in that race as a part of a training day. I realized I needed to look at it and remember that it was a big deal to finish that race and the fact that it's easy now shows how far I've come. It's a symbol of pride.

3 tatted calves

I'm a Clydesdale (endurance athlete over 220 lbs) and I need to embrace that. I'm never going to be skinny, I'm never going to win a race and I'm NEVER going to look good in a tight pair of pants. But what I am is everything I set out to be 6 years ago when I decided to get in shape. I need to stop looking at the last 10 pounds and start looking at the 75 that are gone. It's funny, every time I get to a new lower weight I'm excited. Then, when I stay at that weight for a while I get upset. It was an accomplishment to get there and it's an accomplishment to stay there. I don't need to change anything but my viewpoint. Easier said than done but it will be my new mantra and I work towards Ironman Texas this May.

This song makes no sense!!!

Music is a huge part of my training. A good song can change the tempo of a run and a bad one can bring you down. As I hear some of my favourite songs more and more I start to question what the hell some of the writers were thinking when they wrote them.

Snoop Dogg is widely regarded as a bad ass in the song Gin and Juice. But in a song praising liquor and marijuana he states "and the party's still jumpin' cause my momma ain't home." Really? You're a hard core gang banger! But if mom's home then the party's over? WEAK!

Nicki Minaj! In the song Your Love she's talking about a guy she loves and a dream sequence she had: "Anyway I think I met him in the sky When I was a Geisha he was a Samurai Somehow I understood him when he spoke Thai."  AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Geishas and Samurai are Japanese. You're right! Speaking Thai would be weird! NOT ALL ASIANS ARE THE SAME!!!

Notorious B.I.G. A legend, without doubt and the man I've chosen to model myself after. At least the big part anyway. Big Poppa is a wicked song but there's always one part that makes me shake my head.  He says, "If you got a gun up in your waist please don't shoot up the place."  A very reasonable request. However, one of the members of his crew asks "why?" What the hell do you mean? Why should he not shoot up a night club? I don't know, maybe because murder isn't cool. Maybe random shootings are bad form. Great song, bad lyric.

Jay Z. Another wonderful rap artist. However in Can I Get A there's a lyric I finally had to look up because I was confused. He's explaining to a young lady that he is courting that if she decides to leave him he still has the goods on her because they had relations: "I'm talkin bout good livin are we here, you wit us? If not boo, you know what, I still F$%&ed you." After looking it up I'm much happier with the lyrics because what I heard every time was most disturbing. I heard "you know what, I still F%&# sheep." Why would he do that? He has Beyonce at home! I don't like to judge but I found it hard not to. Anyway, great artist but annunciation can be critical.

These are just the most egregious examples I can think of currently. Rap artists, please listen. Just because something rhymes doesn't mean it works in the song!!!