Saturday, 20 September 2014

I like my yoga instructors weird and my Mexican food joints sketchy!

It's funny, certain things are just better in specific contexts. This occurred to me as I was taking a yoga class. The lady leading the class was obviously very well trained but something was missing. As she gave the instructions she seemed just a little too "with it." Her eyes were focused, her speech was clear and her outlook on life was too well adjusted. In order for me to really connect with yoga I need an instructor that has a slight waver in her voice and eyes that are maybe just a touch crossed. They also need to see the beauty in EVERYTHING. I mean everything, like how wonderful it is that the snow is coming down faster than you can shovel it. Despite the fact that it wreaks havoc on the road system and kills off old people with heart attacks she just sees a white blanket of awesome.

This got me thinking about other things that need to be a certain way in order to be enjoyed properly. The next obvious one to me is Mexican restaurants. Living in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada means finding decent Mexican food is next to impossible; partly because our health inspectors are so diligent. When we make our biennial trip to Disneyland one of our favourite things to do on the San Diego leg of the trip is venture into the scary parts of town and get a plate of sloppy deliciousness. A few of the things we are looking for when sizing up a restaurant are:
1) The parking lot has to be full of cars that may or may not be abandoned.
2) The sign out front should be in some form of disrepair. Either sun-bleached or missing letters, whichever.
3) The windows should be barred, and
4) the menu should be so poorly designed that it's almost unreadable and you just tell them what you want and they give you a price.

I have yet to be disappointed by a meal from a scary Mexican joint. This is also why Chipotle will never see my shadow, too nice.

Barbers! I want you to have an accent thicker than scum on a Louisiana swamp. If my half of the conversation isn't mostly awkward laughing at what I think you may or may not have said then I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING MY HAIR!

Baristas! You'd better be pierced or tatted! If you don't look like something from out of this world than how can I expect your coffee to taste out of this world? I need to know that every quarter I drop in your tip cup is one step closer to bigger ear holes or a tattoo about your personal journey.

Tow Truck Drivers! If you pull up to help me with my car you'd better be grizzled. In any other situation you're the type of guy I wouldn't want to share a ride with, or probably even a conversation, but in this instance you're perfect! The larger and hairier the better!

If you have any more please post them in the comments section!