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Friday, 11 October 2013

Fellas, a little decorum in the locker room. PLEASE!!!

For any of my female readers, be warned that you are going to get an inside look at a male locker room. You can't unread this!

For the past 6 weeks I have been a member at a nice gym and have the luxury of accessing the Plus locker room. This is really a nice place work out. We have a steam room, leather chairs to watch the big flat screen TV,  free shaving supplies and all the towels you could ever need. However, some of the fellas in this swanky establishment have decided that they've been contained too long and that from now on they will let their freak flag (and other appendages) fly.

The steam room is in the locker room. The sign on the door states that using a towel is required. PHEW, I thought, I don't need to see a bunch of hot sweaty dudes with their business just flopping around. WRONG! The towels are apparently for sitting on in the steam room. Once you've sat down it's no big deal, I guess, to just let it all hang out. I've seen plenty of man meat having been on sports teams for years and years but in that context it was usually just in the showers and when guys were changing. But this is an attack! It would take a simple flick of the wrist to cover your junk with a piece of cotton and really, is it so critical that your dork get its daily dose of steam?

There is one violator in particular that makes me especially uncomfortable. In all my interactions with this guy he's been very cordial but when the towel hits the floor it's a different story. This gentleman is heavily tattooed and AGGRESSIVELY pierced. Like, really aggressively. He uses the steam room as his yoga studio. His very hot, steamy, NAKED, yoga studio. Usually it's just odd poses over in his seated position but occasionally he finds the need for some full on stand up yoga and downward dog produces unsightly backsack. C'mon man! And the flashing jewelry on your shlong causes a natural instinct to see where that light was coming from. You know where it's coming from? The very tip of the problem! I am intrigued. How do you pee straight with that? Are you condemned to a lifetime of seated peeing? That's the greatest part of mandom, the standing pee is a birthright and one of the proudest moments of my life was when my son graduated to this from the emasculating Winnie the Pooh seated potty. I cannot foresee a situation where driving a piece of steel through your wang is an upgrade. If you claim that it makes sex better, YOU WERE DOING IT WRONG BEFORE!

This need to let it breathe has apparently "extended" (see what I did there) into the TV area. A number of these aged fellas do the courtesy of laying a towel down on the furniture but once again feel the need to be open with everyone about what they're packing. Just sitting there, watching TV, naked. I've heard men do most of their thinking with their downstairs member, maybe as you age you do most of your viewing with it too? I dunno. I'm really not a prude, I just don't see the need for unnecessary nudity (by dudes). I'm not asking you to wear a 3-piece suit in the locker room, just a quick towel wrap.   

We're all in this together fellas. I know I'm no treat to see sans clothing but I'm almost always covered and I do my clothing changes faster than a Vegas magician just to avoid any unwanted exposure. If you just commit to a little coverage and absolutely ZERO naked conversations we can all be friends and get on with our day.

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